Your identity comes from somewhere
We all have an identity defined. It’s impossible not to. So, if it’s there, it has to come from somewhere.
Where do you get yours?
Boyfriend? Grades? How many people like you? I have tried to get mine from just about everything over the years.
- How hot guys thought I was
- If “he” wanted to talk to me
- If “he wanted to talk to me instead of HER
- Body/weight. If I weighed ___ then I felt super confident, hot, great about myself. If I weighed __ above that, I felt disgusting, ugly, didn’t want to go anywhere.
I learned the hard way (many times) that identity anywhere other than God is not the kind of identity that can give us a confidence that stays. There is one place in particular I have gone over and over and over again trying to seek identity that has always failed me, so I want to zoom in on it for a minute.
Our identity cannot come from a guy
It doesn’t matter if he is the perfect boyfriend or the worst cheater in the world. Unless his name is Jesus and He died on a cross and came back to life to save you, he is not capable of handling the weight of a girl’s identity in a fallen world.
Guys were not made to define us, so they can’t, and that’s why we see it being the cause of so much hurt and drama. As girls it’s so easy to seek self-worth in guys, but when that breaks in whatever way it inevitably does we break too, because
Whatever we give permission to make us we also give permission to break us
And if we give the permission to break us to something that’s already broken (a guy)…yeah.
When we try to find our identity in a guy (or guys) we will 1) exhaust them 2) constantly be insecure 3) both, because it will never be enough.
As humans, we are only capable of seeing so much about each other. We see the outside and we observe parts of the inside of the people we are close to but what we see is very limited.
“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
Because God sees straight through us to our hearts, He is the one who holds the solutions to all of the things that break it, hurt it, trip it up, make it feel insecure. And let’s be honest here…when something hurts you, like REALLY hurts you, is it your outside appearance that suffers the most or your heart? So then how does it make sense to lean on someone who either only sees the outside or part of the inside?
No one knows us better than God. No one CAN know us better than God. Do we really want to put our value and worth in someone or something that can’t see the deepest parts of us?
Identity that comes from the one who KNOWS YOU is the only identity that actually makes any sense at all.