How To Fight Insecurity

Insecurity rears it’s ugly head everywhere it can. At a party. A friends house. The beach. Even a drive thru for crying out loud. And when it does show up it brings it’s trail of destruction.

It makes us look stupid. He won’t answer me. Why do I keep texting him? Everyone knows. I look pathetic.

It makes us do things we don’t want to do. I knew he would stop talking to me if I gave him what he wanted. I can’t believe I did that.

It turns us into liars. . I don’t even remember what version of the story I told her.

It keeps us from accepting compliments and then uses those compliments immediately afterwards to point out our flaws instead. She said I look skinny but she doesn’t know it’s really just the jeans because I am actually fatter than I have ever been.

It puts us in places that feel so miserable we can’t think straight enough to make a good decision. Everyone knows he rejected me so I have to get with someone else. I have to make someone else like me.

It puts us under constant pressure to be wanted in whatever way we can. If I show my body off enough I’ll get his attention. If my personality can’t make him want me, maybe this will.

Like when making out with that other guy just to make him jealous backfires and he won’t talk to you anymore. When the story you told her doesn’t match up with the story you told your other friend and they talk about it. When she finds out you have been texting him just because you couldn’t say no to his attention and your friendship is ruined.

It’s overcompensating. It’s misunderstanding. It’s desperately trying to be the person we think everyone else wants us to be. It’s that feeling you get when you just know you’ve done it again. The pit in your stomach. The burning of your cheeks. Wondering how you’re going to face everyone at lunch because insecurity ran you headfirst into a 5 car pile-up. Again.

And insecurity sits there, watching and laughing as we fall flat on our faces. Over, and over, and over again.

We all know exactly how this goes. Acting out of insecurity never ends up fulfilling the need that led us to follow it in the first place. It usually does the opposite. So why do we let it rule our lives? The truth is that this battle is not one we are able to win alone. Thankfully we don’t have to. God wants us to kick insecurity in the teeth and He is capable of doing it. If we let Him help, that little monster doesn’t stand a chance.

What if we took a stand against it? Right now. What if we decided to fight back and refused to let things be taken from us so easily. What if we called out insecurity for being the real idiot because it’s the one throwing lies, tying our shoelaces together and making us feel crazy.

Scratch the “what if”. Let’s just do it.

I have found that having a strategy is the best way to fight against something like insecurity. In order to make a strategy, we first have to take a close look at exactly what we are fighting against. A great way to do this that has helped me is to start by asking two questions:

  • What am I afraid of losing? When it comes to insecurity, in those moments when I feel the most insecure, what is it that I am REALLY afraid of losing? Is it the approval of others? Is it the feeling of being wanted?
  • What are my insecurity triggers? When I think about what happens right before those moments hit me or the situations I am in that make me feel the most insecure, I can identify many things that trigger it. There are a few major things that show up regularly, like being around a boy who has rejected me. Or being around the girl he rejected me for. Heaven forbid both at the same time. When I am around people whose approval I really want. When I compare myself to my friends , strangers, or really anyone that I’m afraid other people might be comparing me to. People who have been talking badly about me or someone who doesn’t like me. Let’s be honest, even the mere presence of guys can invite insecurity in sometimes.

Answering these is a great first step to fighting this battle of insecurity (we will talk about next steps in devotionals to come). Know this: God’s desire for us is that we live and walk in security, with confidence that can’t be shaken and a self-worth that laughs back in insecurities face.

“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” Proverbs 31:25

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