Physical Boundaries: How Far Is Too Far?

Just how “chill” are we allowed to get while we’re Netflix’in? How far is too far when it comes to “doing stuff” with your boyfriend? This is a question I hear a lot and one I used to ask myself all the time.

I get it. I’ve been there. It’s tough. I’ve catapulted myself over any and all lines. I’ve also been in relationships where sexual purity was a priority, so I’ve fought from that end too.

Jesus clearly tells us not to have sex before marriage. Outside of that, if we take it down to the very literal details, He does not explicitly define a physical line that marks “too far.” But that does not give us an excuse to do whatever we want. He does talk to us about our thoughts. He also tells us how we are supposed to use our bodies, and what a healthy relationship should look like. When you piece it all together, the right choices are not so hazy after all.

So…what is the answer? Let’s back up.

First, the obvious command: 1 Thessalonians 4:3 says “For this is the will of God…that you abstain from sexual immorality.” 1 Corinthians 6:18 takes it a step further and tells us to run away from it. It also lets us know that sexual sin is actually self-harm.

Our thoughts: “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8. Let’s be honest, there is very little that can be done physically while still thinking thoughts that are lovely and pure.

Our bodies: In 1 Corinthians 6 we are told to honor God with our bodies. Why? We aren’t the first ones to ask. “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price” (v. 19-20). I don’t know about you, but the idea of doing anything sexual gets less appealing when I think of Jesus living inside of me. Or even being there, for that matter. *cringe*

Healthy relationships: God is the creator of love, and He tells us that love does not pursue sin or delight in wrong (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

So back to the original question. Where is the line? 

Plot twist: that is actually the wrong question. Jesus isn’t about the line. When He calls us to follow Him, He draws us away from the line in general.

When He calls us to follow Him, He draws us away from the line in general

The line is no longer what is important; loving Jesus and following Him is most important. So the question needs to be “How close can we get to Jesus?”

So the question needs to be “How close can we get to Jesus?”

The good news is that we can get as close to Him as we want to. The closer we get, the closer we want to be. But the world we live in doesn’t make it easy, and that’s why it’s super important to be in relationships that lead you towards Jesus instead of towards sin. That’s what our next devo is about. Love y’all!

“But you are a man [or woman] of God; so run from all these evil things. Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you.” 1 Timothy 6:11-12

UP NEXT: Physical Boundaries Part 2: If I’m In Love, It Doesn’t Matter As Much. Right?


He Dropped Me

Snapchatting me  every day. Texting me all night.

There were a few red flags, but I made excuses for them because I loved the attention so much. He seemed like a good guy, so I let that be all that mattered. I avoided digging too deep into his beliefs because, well, if I found out something that wasn’t good I would have to face a hard decision. It was easier not to. What you know can’t hurt you, right? I asked God whether or not it was a good idea to get involved with him, but I wasn’t really open to any answer other than “yes.”

Have you ever been there?

The truth is, deep down I knew it wasn’t a great idea. Just because he was a good guy didn’t mean I was ready for a relationship. I knew I wasn’t. But I let it keep going anyways.

It was one of those situations where he was the guy every girl seemed to want. He had made his rounds, too. But this time, he chose me. It felt so good. All of those girls, yet he somehow wanted me. I could tell from the beginning that he wanted me for the wrong reasons, but there were so many good qualities mixed in there too, so it evened out – or so I told myself.

I fell for him hard and fast. It was the kind of thing where you are three weeks into it and feel like you’re head over heels. How does that happen so fast?! All of a sudden he was all I could think about. Every time it would take him a while to Snapchat or text me back I wondered what he was doing. Was there another girl? Was he doing this with every girl? Was I pretty enough? I stalked his ex-girlfriends and compared myself to every aspect, only to then feel bad about myself because I was determined to find the ways they were “better” than me. There were a few that I used to make myself feel better.

Anyways, soon after I was completely head over heels, it suddenly ended. He decided he wasn’t interested and he dropped me – just like that. What? It had seemed so perfect…he said all of the right things…I thought he felt the same way I did?  I had given him everything he seemed to want, what happened?

By that point, I was in too deep not to feel the sting of rejection. He didn’t want me. That must mean I’m not pretty enough. I’m not fun enough. I’m too insecure. Maybe if I had ______ he would want me. Automatically my brain debated the different ways I could make myself “better” so he would want me.

Not only did he not want me, he wanted nothing to do with me. Completely stopped talking to me. The rejection hurt. It hurt a lot.

I realized I had done it again. I had put all of my security and self-worth in a guy. WHEN am I going to learn?! I was so mad at myself. WHAT was I thinking?

Well, I wasn’t thinking, I was seeking. I was searching for something to fill some deep needs.

I wanted to be fought for

I wanted to be enough

I wanted to be protected

And just like so many times before, I wasn’t.

Also like so many times before, God was so patient and loving. He swooped in as soon as I let Him. And you know what He did? He reminded me that He has everything I am seeking in a guy. And He wants to give it to me so I don’t have to be dependent on things and people that never leave me feeling whole.

Jesus shows us what it really means to be loved and pursued. He died on a cross for us – he died for us. And we let guys who don’t even want to give up a Friday night for us define our worth. The ones who avoid putting us in their stories so they can keep the relationship low-key in case there are other options are the ones we let make or break our self-esteem.

We have been fought for. We are fought for every day. We are protected in ways we can’t even see or understand. I was enough to die for. You were enough to die for. And we still are.

A few things to remember:

  • Jesus does not judge us for our past, and he doesn’t run from our brokenness.
  • He isn’t afraid of our messiness. We will never be too much for Him.
  • He wants to protect us. And He can. That doesn’t mean bad things won’t happen but it does means that when they do happen, we always have someone to run to who will always be right there.
  • We are enough because He paid the ultimate price – his life. It’s impossible for us NOT to be enough because that price was paid regardless of whether or not we even accept it, and someone not recognizing that value doesn’t change it.

Regardless of whether or not we have that earthly love, if we can choose to accept the love on the one who created it in the first place, we can ensure that we don’t crumble every time a relationship does.

“God is love…This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God.” 1 John 4:9

I love y’all!

The Struggle To Trust

(Note: see end of devo for the verses that I mention throughout )


Five letters that used to send me running for the hills.

You know those football games where one team just gets trampled? That’s how my experience with trust was for a long time. I seemed to lose every game. As the defeats piled up I started to have a hopeless perception of trust. Was it even a real thing? It looked like it in other people’s relationships, but I didn’t really know. It didn’t matter anyways because it clearly wasn’t something I was capable of having.

For years I tried to find it. I tried to create it. I desperately wanted to fix the broken trust I carried around. But I couldn’t. Each time I walked away with cuts from more pieces of my heart that had shattered.

Over time I learned that trust is a choice, not just a feeling. So I tried to make that choice, thinking if I gave it to people they would be inspired to return it. But it was more like bracing myself for the inevitable collision between my heart and destruction. Trusting another person felt a bit like catapulting myself off of a cliff while rock climbing. I was unsure if the person at the bottom had the rope as tightly as they needed to in order to hold me. I hoped something had not come along to distract them from the fact that they were holding my life in their hands. I prayed they wouldn’t get tired of holding me, or think I was too heavy. I hoped they didn’t drop me, and let me shatter. Again. Unfortunately, by that point I was so insecure that I tried to trust anyone who would listen to me spill my baggage.

People told me that my trust needed to be in God instead of in people. But some of the biggest blows I received came during seasons of life when I was trying to pursue a relationship with God. Why did I get tackled if I was trying to do the right thing? I tried to color-code “Christians” and “non-Christians” so I knew who to trust, but some of the people who hurt me the most claimed to be followers of Jesus.

“How in the world am I supposed to put trust in that?”

But that was the problem.

I was trusting in and for the wrong things.

I wasn’t trusting God. Instead of giving God my heart to heal and hold, I continued to hand people all of it’s broken pieces. Deep down the familiarity of getting hurt again seemed more comfortable than the risk of trusting Him.

So my biggest struggle deep down has actually been whether or not it is safe to trust God.

For years I had confused painful blows as coming from God instead of people. This led me to cower at the idea of His protection.

I didn’t trust God not to let me get hurt. I didn’t trust Him to protect me.

But I was missing another crucial truth:

Trusting God is not the same as trusting that I won’t get hurt.

God does not promise life will be easy. He warns us of the opposite (1 John 16:33). The guarantee He does offer us is that even if we find ourselves in the worst-case-scenario, facing our biggest fears, we can be OK in Him. We may get knocked down, but we won’t stay there. He is stronger.


(and some truth to make them shut up):

1. Everyone I ever love and anyone who claims to love me is going to hurt me.

Because we are all sinful by nature, at some point we will all let each other down, and it hurts. If we base our security on the hope that someone won’t sin in a way that hurt us, we are setting ourselves up for more hurt. If someone places that kind of hope in you or I, will they not also have the wind knocked out of them? (Psalm 146:3, Isaiah 22:2)

Only Jesus can sustain the weight of our fragile hearts.

2. OK, so people are going to let me down, I can get through that as long as it’s not something that hits me in “that” area of life. Anything but that wound. It has been reopened so many times.

Sometimes we get hit where we are the weakest. Old wounds are reopened, and that can be excruciating. But, although our human pain tolerance isn’t enough for those types of hurts, it doesn’t mean we can’t get through them.

We have a Savior that stood in front of us to take the nails and lashes that should have been ours to suffer. He is more than capable and willing to stand in front of us now, today, and receive the brunt of life’s blows.

We do need to be careful about who we trust, but at the end of the day our saving grace is that God will always be able to handle whatever happens. He is the only perfectly safe place.

Bible Verses:

“Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save.” Psalm 146:3

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” 1 John 16:33

“Don’t put your trust in mere humans, who have but a breath in their nostrils.” Isaiah 22:2

Who Triggers Your Insecurity?

In a recent devotional I brought up two questions for us to ask ourselves as we prepare to kick insecurity’s butt.

  • What am I afraid of losing?
  • What triggers my insecurity?

I want to zoom in on the second question for a moment. Specifically, who triggers the insecurity.

We typically feel insecure around certain people because:   

  • We compare ourselves to them and trigger our own insecurities


  • They trigger our insecurities by what they do, don’t do, say or don’t say.  This can be intentional or unintentional.

We all know some. The “friend” who constantly calls you out and belittles you in front of other people. The girl who hates you and makes sure everyone nearby knows it when you walk past her lunch table. The guy who only texts you when he is bored and has no one else around. The parent who tells you you’re not good enough. How about his new girlfriend who you constantly compare yourself to? Or the girl who just moved here and has all the guys drooling over her? And then of course there are the perfect half-naked bodies plastered everywhere and the real-life bikini model who is sunbathing beside you at the pool.

Those last few examples land in the category that we have more control over. Right now I want to focus on the insecurities that result from other people’s words, actions or lack thereof; the intentional attempts to exploit insecurity.

One of my favorite writers of all time, Beth Moore, wrote a book called So Long Insecurity, You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Us. This book holds tons of truth and tricks to combat insecurity. Take a look at the excerpt below:

“Any person who enjoys and exploits another’s insecurity and sensitivity is an emotional predator…The emotional predator sometimes has redeeming qualities that complicate things considerably because they allow us to make excuses for the person and avoid drawing solid boundaries…”

Pause. This is why you just can’t seem to get away from the guy who makes you feel more worthless than anyone else or stand up to the girl who keeps crawling back into your life only to set things on fire and run away – again.

“…we are also explicitly told to have nothing to do with them. I want to be clear in the next statement as absolutely possible: if you are single, I implore you not to [date] an emotional predator. If you struggle with sizable insecurity, you could be a sitting duck (a.k.a. an easy target) for one. Rethink any relationship where you tend to be remarkably and consistently weak-willed.”

“For people will be lovers of self…proud, arrogant, abusive…unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.” 2 Timothy 3:2-5

“Trusting in a treacherous man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slips.” Proverbs 25:19

“Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned?” Proverbs 6:27

“Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

Does God REALLY Know You?

Do you ever wonder about the dynamic between you and God? Like, what is really there. How does He really feel about you, and why? It’s easy to get caught up in the verses and stories, which are great, but when is the last time you really stopped to think about what would fill the air if it were just you and God in a room? Just the two of you.

If you could pause life and have nothing but truth in your head, Psalm 139 tells you what you would see, think and feel about God.

“O  lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me…”  Psalm 139

He loves you so. freaking. much.

He Said He Cared, But He Didn’t.

He said he cared about me. He said I was everything he ever wanted. So why didn’t he want to date me? Was I not good enough?

We have all experienced this or watched a friend go through it at some point.

5 things to remember when this happens:

  • It doesn’t mean you are not good enough.

Who decides what “good enough” means? There are over 160 Million men in the U.S. Which ones get to decide your worth and more importantly, WHY? Does that even make sense?

Do you want to date every guy in your life? Hopefully not. Does mean they are worth less than someone else? No.

  • You can’t possibly be right for everyone.

I am obsessed with ice cream. I hate key lime pie. Peanut butter makes everything taste better to me. You couldn’t pay me to put coconut on top of my dessert.

Does that mean that ice cream and peanut butter are better tasting than anything else? Does it mean that key lime pie is gross or coconut is a bad idea? NO. To me, yes, because I (just like everyone else in the world) have my own taste buds that are different than yours, and the guy next to me at work, and the girl down the hall.

God [thankfully] didn’t make us all the same and we can’t be right for everyone.

  • Actions speak louder than words.

If he says one thing but does another, what he does is the reality you need to accept right now. Anyone can say (or type) words. Snapchatting is not “making an effort” (I mean, really?).

  • It is up to YOU to listen to actions rather than words.

Don’t let yourself pretend words mean something when actions say otherwise. The truth hurts sometimes, but choosing to see the truth now will hurt a lot less than having it blow up in your face down the road.

  • Feeling “unwanted” is a warning sign

It’s a flashing light telling you to slow down, double check your self-worth and realize you are valuable enough to be pursued and wanted. When we fail to do this we often find ourselves settling.

  • Feeling wanted in the moment is not worth compromising your true worth in the long run.

Logically. Think about this one. Be real with yourself. It’s not worth it and we all know it.

  • A relationship game has to have more than one player to be played.

You have a choice in whether or not you play. You are not a game, so don’t let yourself be treated like one.

The Bible says we are wonderfully made. We were handcrafted by the Creator of the universe. Let’s stop wasting our time with people who treat us like we aren’t.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalm 139:13-15

When You Feel Crushed By Labels

Would you agree that we are all imperfect? 

So if that’s the case, it also means our thoughts are imperfect, right? 

If our thoughts are imperfect, then other people’s are too, which means other people’s thoughts and opinions about us are imperfect. 

That means the things we often feel crushed and labeled by suddenly lose the power to define us.  

Logically, imperfect people cannot define someone’s worth because their perception is just that – imperfect.

More importantly, someone’s imperfect thoughts about us cannot go up against our worth that was decided a long time ago by a perfect God. In the battle of which one actually defines us, God’s opinion always wins.

Someone’s imperfect thoughts about us cannot go up against our worth that was decided a long time ago by a perfect God.

It doesn’t usually feel that way though, which is why it’s important to know these truths so we can use them in the moments when feelings want to take over.

Most of the time, the negative things people say to or about us cut pretty deep and depending on what is said, can trigger our deepest insecurities. We also fear that these negative opinions or words will spread and other people will begin to think or say the same things. No one likes to feel that way and it is a struggle for all of us.

However, because we were created by someone who does not make mistakes, we don’t have to be defined by someone else’s imperfect vision.

Because we were created by someone who does not make mistakes, we don’t have to be defined by someone else’s imperfect vision.

Picture standing in front of a wall with someone wearing glasses that have a big crack down one lens. They tell you there is a crack in the wall, when there clearly is not. Do they see a crack? Yes. But is there really a crack? No. It’s a flawed perception that they have, and that is all. They may go and tell people there’s a big crack in the wall, but over time when people stop by to see the wall for themselves, they realize that there is no crack after all.

God says you are beautiful.

God says you are forgiven

God says you are not less than _____ just because she _____

God says your mistakes do not define you

God says you are worthy, chosen, and unconditionally loved

We have to fight the tendency to allow other people to define us.

Is it possible that we have more control over what, and who, we let bring us down than we think we do?  Romans 8:11 says that if you are a believer “The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you.” THE SAME SPIRIT THAT BROUGHT JESUS BACK TO LIFE. If the power that defeated death is inside of you, I’m pretty sure it can also defeat the insecurity pushed on us by someone else.

When we choose to shut down the lies we can regain the confidence that comes with not having those mean words as our label.

You see, we get it all wrong when we think that this world gets the last say and God is just something to make us feel better sometimes. God has always been, is, and always will be the one who trumps everything at the end of the day. Instead of seeing other people’s opinions of us as the truth, what if we chose to believe the that God’s words are the truth and other people’s opinions are merely trying to attack it?

God is reality is truth that goes deeper than our present circumstances, looks and feelings to create the ultimate definition.

Even if you don’t believe it, it’s still true.

What would life look like if we really did let Him set the standards? If we allowed His definition of who we are in Him to be what we confidently walk in?

Is something that gives more confidence really worth turning down?

What Defines You?

The definition of the word ‘define’ in the dictionary (lol, no pun intended) includes:

  • to state or describe exactly the nature, scope or meaning of
  • [to] make up or establish the character of
  • to mark out the boundaries or limits of something
  • to make clear the outline of

Some synonyms are to decide, establish, designate, clarify, explain, and interpret.

Something that defines can be an audible statement or it can be a mental concept; a belief or a thought. It can also be a literal written definition of course, like the one I wrote above.

Those defining statements and beliefs can be about yourself, they can be about someone else, they can be about situations or about experiences.

Picture this:

You’re taking a test and you did not study. So you decide to cheat, a.k.a. look for answers on someone else’s test paper. It could get you in a lot of trouble if someone calls you out, or it might temporarily get you a good grade. But when the final exam comes it won’t really benefit you because it’s their brain that holds the actual information, not yours.

Looking for answers in who and what is beside us. That’s what we’re trying to do when we define each other, isn’t it?

We feel like we are going to fail the test of being good enough, so we have to look somewhere else. We turn the attention on someone else either in our own minds or out loud to others. We feel insecure so we try our hardest to be like the girl he likes, or the girl who at least looks and acts like she has all the answers. If we can somehow get on their level, even if that means bringing them down to the level we think we are on, it feels a little more like winning and the shortcomings don’t sting as badly. 


But hold on. We don’t need to cheat off of someone else’s paper. This is where the literal, written definitions come into play.

What defines you is written in the dictionary of all dictionaries. It was spoken by God and it was proven by death on a cross and sealed with the resurrection.

So if nothing else can define you, that means logically (according to the dictionary) no person, opinion or circumstance can:

  • Define or decide who you are
  • State or describe how much you’re worth (unless it’s in line with what Jesus says)
  • Mark boundaries around who you can be
  • Set limits on how far you can go in life

Jesus died to set us free. That means we are free from being chained to who someone else is, who someone else says we are, or who someone else wants us to be.

Don’t let that truth escape.

I don’t care what you have or have not done, who says or thinks what. Let them talk. Let them think. Then let God take care of the rest because He is the one grading papers.

And here is a tip: you already got an A. Jesus took the test for you. So who cares what answers they are putting.

“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”” 1 Samuel 16:7

“Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.” Psalm 100:3

“…he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him…In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,” Ephesians 1:4-14

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above…as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ” Colossians 3:1-4, 12

Michael Kors vs. Forever21

“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future” Psalm 31:25

There’s that verse again. Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Walking around with a strength and dignity that are so real it’s like you’re wearing them. Laughing at the future and anything that tries to scare you or shake your confidence. We may try to do that and think it’s convincing, but get real.

It just so happens that is exactly what God wants for us AND what He offers us.

The problem is we would rather look to things in this world for security, so instead we walk around wearing brightly colored insecurity pants or pink camouflage overcompensation dresses (get it…pink camo is like the opposite of camo because it draws more attention than anything…so it’s pretending it’s something it’s not…and it’s ugly).

So basically we need to change where we shop. We are stuck in Forever21 while Michael Kors is chillin in the closet.

We try on and buy 50 outfits only to get tired of them after wearing them once, rip them, or my favorite – get home and realize they actually look horrible in normal lighting. Sometimes I convince myself something looks good because I want it to look and feel good…but the love handles don’t lie like my brain does. Shoot.

So there we are, empty wallet because we spent so much money, pissed because we feel ten lbs heavier than we did when we left for the mall, while the unopened gift boxes sit there. We have no idea what is really in them because we have not opened them. We choose not to open them because we don’t want to be disappointed and it can’t be anything more than what we have tried on already, or so we think.


  1. Why would we turn down free clothes? Who cares where they are from?
  2. If we never even take the time to unwrap the boxes, we will never know what was really inside. What if they really ARE better than anything we have tried on ourselves?

Now let’s rewind for a minute and pretend I told you what was in the gift boxes and you still refused to open them. Michael Kors sounds nice, sure, but it’s probably not REALLY in there and even if it was, you would have to take off the outfit you finally put together after hours of trying things on (even though you know the second you sit down the wrong way that lace is toast). It took you so long to get something to look even halfway decent, you don’t want to take it off and start over.

Oh. Okay then. Sucks to suck (that is probably what I would say or maybe I would slap you idk).

This is basically what we do with God. He HAS TOLD US what He can give us, what He wants to give us, and we still won’t even take the time to open the gift. He offers a security beyond anything we can find here on earth and a confidence that cannot be shaken but we refuse to try it on.

He is patient, and He loves us, so it is never too late to accept the gifts. We have to unwrap them though, which means actually taking the time to explore who He is, read the Bible, make an effort to get to know Him. When we do, we find out it wasn’t really that much of an effort after all, and certainly not one that equals the gifts we receive.

Aren’t you tired of feeling like your pants are see-thru? I know I am. Deuces Forever21 (jk I will never stop shopping there I am broke and they have the best crop tops)

By the way, let me assure you that if the day comes when I give you something Michael Kors and you turn it down, I will not ask you twice – I will keep it for myself. Thankfully, God is not like that 🙂

How To Fight Insecurity

Insecurity rears it’s ugly head everywhere it can. At a party. A friends house. The beach. Even a drive thru for crying out loud. And when it does show up it brings it’s trail of destruction.

It makes us look stupid. He won’t answer me. Why do I keep texting him? Everyone knows. I look pathetic.

It makes us do things we don’t want to do. I knew he would stop talking to me if I gave him what he wanted. I can’t believe I did that.

It turns us into liars. . I don’t even remember what version of the story I told her.

It keeps us from accepting compliments and then uses those compliments immediately afterwards to point out our flaws instead. She said I look skinny but she doesn’t know it’s really just the jeans because I am actually fatter than I have ever been.

It puts us in places that feel so miserable we can’t think straight enough to make a good decision. Everyone knows he rejected me so I have to get with someone else. I have to make someone else like me.

It puts us under constant pressure to be wanted in whatever way we can. If I show my body off enough I’ll get his attention. If my personality can’t make him want me, maybe this will.

Like when making out with that other guy just to make him jealous backfires and he won’t talk to you anymore. When the story you told her doesn’t match up with the story you told your other friend and they talk about it. When she finds out you have been texting him just because you couldn’t say no to his attention and your friendship is ruined.

It’s overcompensating. It’s misunderstanding. It’s desperately trying to be the person we think everyone else wants us to be. It’s that feeling you get when you just know you’ve done it again. The pit in your stomach. The burning of your cheeks. Wondering how you’re going to face everyone at lunch because insecurity ran you headfirst into a 5 car pile-up. Again.

And insecurity sits there, watching and laughing as we fall flat on our faces. Over, and over, and over again.

We all know exactly how this goes. Acting out of insecurity never ends up fulfilling the need that led us to follow it in the first place. It usually does the opposite. So why do we let it rule our lives? The truth is that this battle is not one we are able to win alone. Thankfully we don’t have to. God wants us to kick insecurity in the teeth and He is capable of doing it. If we let Him help, that little monster doesn’t stand a chance.

What if we took a stand against it? Right now. What if we decided to fight back and refused to let things be taken from us so easily. What if we called out insecurity for being the real idiot because it’s the one throwing lies, tying our shoelaces together and making us feel crazy.

Scratch the “what if”. Let’s just do it.

I have found that having a strategy is the best way to fight against something like insecurity. In order to make a strategy, we first have to take a close look at exactly what we are fighting against. A great way to do this that has helped me is to start by asking two questions:

  • What am I afraid of losing? When it comes to insecurity, in those moments when I feel the most insecure, what is it that I am REALLY afraid of losing? Is it the approval of others? Is it the feeling of being wanted?
  • What are my insecurity triggers? When I think about what happens right before those moments hit me or the situations I am in that make me feel the most insecure, I can identify many things that trigger it. There are a few major things that show up regularly, like being around a boy who has rejected me. Or being around the girl he rejected me for. Heaven forbid both at the same time. When I am around people whose approval I really want. When I compare myself to my friends , strangers, or really anyone that I’m afraid other people might be comparing me to. People who have been talking badly about me or someone who doesn’t like me. Let’s be honest, even the mere presence of guys can invite insecurity in sometimes.

Answering these is a great first step to fighting this battle of insecurity (we will talk about next steps in devotionals to come). Know this: God’s desire for us is that we live and walk in security, with confidence that can’t be shaken and a self-worth that laughs back in insecurities face.

“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” Proverbs 31:25